SORRY HARRY POTTER FANS

Long years ago I made a tryst with destiny, never to read Harry Potter in my lifetime. Now the time has come when I shall break my pledge, not wholly or in full measure but very substantially. A time comes, but comes rarely when an inane yokel (like I am) realizes his folly and takes requisite steps to rectify his wrongdoings. Today, I step from darkness into light, from ignorance into reality. Today, as I read Harry Potter for the first time in my life, I feel guilty, I feel stupid, I feel deprived, I feel inconsolably sorry for having shown as much derision to Harry Potter and to JK Rowling as I have over the years. Had it not been for the sincere efforts of my friends, I would never have reconsidered my abysmal decision of despising Harry Potter. It is only due to their efforts, perseverance, tolerance, persuasive skills and passion for Harry Potter that I decided to read Harry Potter (intention was to prove them wrong). It is only when I reached page 223 (that was the last page of the book… don’t go and search for some earth shattering discoveries on that page) of the first volume of Harry Potter that I realized how erroneous, how mistaken, how foolish I had been over the years. There is no one but me to blame for the deprivation of fantasy I suffered. Had it not been for my obstinate attitude, I would have been in the league of the extra-ordinary gentlemen and gentlewomen (I mean Harry Potter readers). Had it not been for my irrational derision, I would have been respected in society and not looked down upon as an outcast. Had it not been for my erroneous belief, I would have been branded ‘COOL’ and not a ‘FOOL’.

I would like to take this opportunity to convey my sincere apologies to all Harry Potter fans, to Mrs. JK Rowling, to BloomsBury, to Harry Potter, to Hermione, to Professor Dumbledore, to Voldemort, to Ron Weasley, to Dranco Malfoy, to Hagrid, to Professor Snape, to Professor Quirrel to {Professor Flitwick, to the Dursley family and all other personalities that have Harry Potter what it is today. If in the event I may have verbally maligned any of the characters (which I have done very often), I sincerely apologize for all such heinous acts and plead guilty.

May I make it known that I am still not the most convinced with the concept (reading only one out of 7 books is surely not convincing enough… until you get till volume seven, you would still believe you are right). It is purely escapism epitomized. Anyway, illusion is far better than reality. Reality is also an illusion, albeit a persistent one. To admit, JK Rowling’s world is an amazing world to live in. I bet, Rowling’s world would be far more interesting than merely slogging for CPT (both dress-rehearsal and grand finale). What’s most admirable about Rowling’s writing style is her humility when it comes to vocabulary and not merely extravagantly exhibiting her exhaustive vocabulary. To Harry Potter goes the credit of making those persons take up tomes, who till then despised reading as a boring activity, an activity of the useless. To Mrs. Rowling goes the credit to inspire people to have faith in their ideas when the world opposes you. To Mrs. Rowling goes the credit of creating a world that never existed and making millions believe that it actually did. Harry Potter is more like a safety valve, where you can release all your stress. Maybe such a world would serve as a panacea for those disillusioned by the drooling reality and grinds of daily life.

In fact, Harry Potter is bliss. A fantasy, an escaped world, a heaven, a marvel, a phenomenon, a flight of imagination, Harry Potter is creativity personified. Its only when you read and see for yourself that you would realize how wrong you were. “I confess to almighty God, and to you my brothers and others (not sisters), that I have sinned through my own fault; in thoughts and in my words; in what I have done and what I have failed to do. And I ask Mrs. JK Rowling and all the Harry Potter fans, to intercede for me.”

PJ's - An Environmental Hazard or A Creative Genius?!?!

If anyone of you choose to believe PJ’s are annoying, infuriating, irritating, exasperating and acts of the jobless, redundant and the useless, then such people belonging to this rather erroneous school of thought are indeed very sadly mistaken. Such cynics do not reserve any right whatsoever to malign and slander this lately discovered proficiency, mastered by a handful of geniuses. PJ’s are the consequence of the uncommon nature of common sense and not merely futile minds, as some skeptics would believe. Cracking PJ’s of high caliber is surely not within the inherent capability of the ordinary (note: Skills can be acquired). You need to be extra-ordinary (split the words) for that. To be a successful PJ cracker, the PJ cracker and sanity need to move along in parallel lines. Any sort of a tryst between wisdom and PJ’s would certainly be very detrimental to the quality of the ‘creative-genius’. If you are under the erroneous impression that answering PJ’s is a child’s play, then I earnestly and sincerely request you to please clear all such misconceptions at the earliest. Even PJ’s of mediocre brilliance can show you stars in broad daylight, let alone ones par excellence. A rare concoction of guts, courage, stupidity, inanity, chronic mental disorder and a flash of occasional brilliance (note: you don’t need persistent brilliance) is a pre-requisite to even stand a chance to answer them. Only a rare kind of species is endowed with such a concoction of exceptional qualities. I can effortlessly prove to you the fact that answering PJ’s is not at all easy by any scope of imagination. And if you still obdurately prefer to defy reality (reality is meant to be defied), then answer this ‘simple’ question – “Once there was an animal race. Just as the race began, the elephant fell and yet won the race. HOW?” When he fell, uska popat hua ….. Since he became a ‘popat’, he flew and reached the finish line and won the race. I don’t think just one PJ drove the nail. Try decoding one more from my collection of rare masterpieces only to be sure as to what makes me such an ardent aficionado of PJ crackers. A person had 2 cigarettes and neither matches nor a lighter. Yet he managed to smoke the cigarette. HOW?? The answer to this million-dollar question is – the person threw one cigarette in the air and caught it. …. because catches win matches, he got the needed matches and lit the cigarettes….. Amazing!! Isn’t it?? How many of you intelligent, wise, normal and logically sound people could answer this question? I bet only the insane, unintelligent, dain bramaged … err … I mean brain damaged would have managed some sort of an answer. You need to be illogically logical for all these. Only those belonging to the former mentioned species are in the reckoning to manage any sort of an answer.

Despite reading so much of educative literature, you people still are unable to tell me why is 10 scared of 7. It is so difficult to even realize something as straightforward as ‘seven eight (ate) nine’, and yet you deliberately neglect to afford this art the acclaim and accolades it deserves for reasons best known to you. So henceforth before you imprudently write off any skill, do make an effort to consider the rarity of the attributes that go in to the making of such a refined genius. My innumerable efforts to fathom the rationale underlying the derision towards this talent have been rendered futile.

If any of you are on the verge of banging your heads against the walls or tearing this magazine into minute shreds or damaging it beyond recognition after witnessing only a trailer of a highly specialized art, then please ‘STOP’. There is a lot of other quality stuff on the other pages that do not deserve to go unread. Do not pronounce to other innocent writers, the punishment that one criminal deserves who managed to frustrate the daylights out of scores of readers.

And now after being strongly inspired by some unprecedented information provided to you by an accomplished stalwart of this sphere, you inexplicably managed to discover that Amitabh Bachchan would say “Cheeni Kum” to call a Chinese towards him. However this doesn’t afford you even an iota of liberty to associate yourself with the league of extraordinary gentlemen and gentlewomen. One needs to prove himself consistently over a period of time to deserve any association with the elite class.

PS: The above piece of highly imaginative and creative writing is an unintentional consequence of unrestricted wandering of the inherently futile brain of the writer and is an intentional tribute to a proficiency that’s unfortunately being looked down upon disdainfully and scornfully by some cynics and pessimists who miserably fail to acknowledge a sphere involving a very high degree of dexterity and caliber.