Very recently, a rather not-so
unknown tabloid in Germany carried a disturbing and derogatory story about the
plight of India under the current UPA regime. In my earnest endeavor to
euphemise the crux of that piece, I could most mildly term it – disparaging. Yes, the nationalist spirit in
me yearns to rebut each of the factual observations with a lofty and
illusionary rhetoric, but being the feeble-willed nationalist that I am, I’d
subscribe to the public flaying of my country by those who are struggling to
keep their own “union” afloat and are wondering why is the White House
interested in the brand of shampoo their heads of state use. The title of the
article, nonetheless, remains etched and resonates with alarming discomfort –
“India never had it so bad”. Yes, it’s the just that.
My eccentric mind would like to take
the liberty to adapt this title to another drama playing out in the great
Indian theatre. A drama that includes conjecture, venom-spewing character
assassinations, unfounded claims, baseless promises and above all – “nonsense”.
I just love that word. Nonsense! Yes, I talk of the run-up to the 2014
elections; an election termed as the most significant in post-Independence
India. A lot of cynics would play-down the import of this election, but I am an
eternal optimist. So I shall allow more than the requisite importance to this
election. This election is absolutely important for it will tell us how can a
population in excess of 1.2 billion choose from two persons, both of whom are
neither better nor worse than the other. Oh, the Rahul Gandhi contingent just
felt nice that someone finally did not denounce the “young man” and the
Narendra Modi camp is aggrieved that there is a rebel who has not bought into
their superlatives.
Being a rational Indian
(antithetical idea, I know), I shall be balanced in my view. I promise, I will
try. For those, who are yet uncomfortable with my writing style – you can
always count on a distressed mind for a bizarre prose style.
Given that none of my writings are
complete without taking some potshots at the country’s blue-eyed
half-sleeved-kurta-dressed (oh, I just want one of them for myself too) poster
boy – the man who is the messiah and who will take this country to the promised
land, with blood on his hands - oh sorry, I just wanted to say Narendra Modi,
but then, the blaring TV channels told me that everything about him has to be
dramatic, devoid of substance, noise and it should polarize opinion - I shall
make many baseless allegations (adrenaline filled - tit for tat style). Can I sense some anger? Mission accomplished.
Anyway, leaving the fireband, hit-and-run self-styled incorruptible
development-minded (culpable of genocide) Chief Minister to himself, I have to
concede that no leader (gosh, we need to be kind to these people I say) in
India has the charm to assemble a rally of 500,000 (maybe a zero more than
reality) people and name it (very arrogantly) “hoonkar”. Given his astute maneuvering and handling of the media,
Narendra Modi has taken grandstanding to a new level altogether. To be fair to
him (see, I am trying very earnestly), the apathetic and pathetic ruling
machinery has just given him all the arsenal on a platter and being the
opportunist he is, it’s time he makes hay while the sun is shining. For an
elected government, which seems to be living on another planet, completely
disconnected from its voters, Narendra Modi is doing what any idiot would have
done. And it’s easy. Accuse. Allege. Malign. With a well-paid batteyr of speech
writers and event managers, every circus is bound to be a sell-out. Whether u
pay 1,000 rupees to the attendees and take back 5 rupees as ticket fee, it
doesn’t matter. What matters is a high-pitched animated and emotion-charged
oratorical masterpiece that blossoms on the naivety and also the (legitimate)
exasperation of the masses. And given the large majority of people – some 45%+
- who want to see Narendra Modi being given the top-job (just by the way, a
rigged internet survey of 5,000 educated but gullible youth in urban India is
NOT majority) – NaMo is all set to sell his (hollow) tea-stall to PM story. And
with the backing of a fanatical cadre-based organization (which, should’ve been
banned 60 years ago), the momentum seems to be with NaMo. Yes, there are the ghosts
of Godhra but who cares. In a country where every political party is culpable
of some form on communal incitement, NaMo can be excused. How does it matter
than a few thousand minorities were killed and the remaining survivors live in
fear of extermination? The youth of India care about 2022 and not 2002. Agreed
that there is a menu of (opaquely constructed) statistics which paint Modi in
favourable light, but beyond that he has nothing to offer. I do not recollect
even one instance where NaMo has offered a single solution to a national issue.
Let alone a solution, most of this speeches are laughable. Case in point – the
Sardar Patel fiasco. Sorry, but the self-gloating extended monologue, garnished
with a poorly articulated attempt to hijack the legacy of Sardar Patel shows
NaMo is very poor light. The choice of the occasion was, to say the least,
appalling. The choice of words, as usual, was cheap. The choice of company, in
whose presence the fiasco unfolded, was disrespectful. In summary, NaMo just proved
why is the over-aged equivalent of our favorite troll icon – RaGa (oh sorry, I
just misspelled youth as troll). Giving credit where it is due, the normally
reticent Manmohan Singh launched a scathing counter-attack on NaMo. Just an
earnest advice to NaMo – though you’ve back stabbed your father-like mentor (the
soldier of hindutva seems to have
forgotten the role of vishwa-pitama), please take a lesson from the
embarrassment the ever-PM-hopeful L K Advani endured in 2009 when he chose to
make a personal attack on the Prime Minister. The same sound of “slap in the
face”. For all your histrionics Mr. Modi – the personal integrity of the Prime
Minister remains unblemished and every attempt to malign him has always
boomeranged. Accept it and be guarded. You really don’t want to look like a
fool in the only place where people know who you are.
That ends my evaluation of NaMo
as India’s future PM. Out of 10, he scores 1.
And now the prince who wants to
give up his dreams so that the poor of this country can live theirs. Please
don’t! They are too childish. Before I say anything – please don’t embarrass us
with your Jupiter-like velocity of thought and your survival story (more
dramatic than 127 hours) after being bitten by 25,000 mosquitoes. Ok, I still
cringe when my friends abroad ask me – is this the man who wants to lead your
country? I reply, very earnestly – “he is still a young boy. At 44. Who has
done nothing all his life!” At 23, taking a 3 month break from my job to pursue
further studies, I feel like an asshole sitting at home. At 44, your sycophants
call your Rahul Baba. For godsake, forgive us. And first things first. Sack
your speech writer. Hire someone with some maturity. I know you need friends to
play mary-go-round. But don’t ask them to write your speeches. At least hire a
18 year old for godsake. Every opportunity you get, you make it into a family
gathering and talking of your childhood. Come out of it now, please. See, I
really don’t want to vote for the BJP. But you are not making me cast my vote
for the Congress. And there the SC has come up with NOTA. Why, Rahul? Why?
Little more restraint and you’ll sound like somebody who is growing up. Agreed
your high-impact hit-and-run antics make great entertainment. But spare a
thought for your advisors and janitors who have to clean up your crap (don’t
take it literally). Be it bhatta parasol or tearing up the SP manifesto or the
“mere paas maa hai” speech in MP or my most favorite “nonsense” moment – please
follow up on something. I haven’t even raked up kalavati and your fiery (but
hilarious) speech on Lokpal. That’s too distant, yes? 2-3 years is something
you wouldn’t recall. With a new gimmick every week, I hope your secretaries
maintain proper logs of them. Besides, mummy, papa, dadi will all pray for you.
Don’t worry. But for heaven sake, do not make statements like “poverty is a
state of mind”. No person in the right mind says that. And by sharing the
hard-earned 2 rotis in a 4-member family in UP, you are forcing them to sleep
hungry. Really. Your entire effort of trying to put all ills on the table of
the Prime Minister and hijacking all good (there isn’t much anyway) is not
working. I assure you, there is nobody in this country, who blames the PM for
the ills caused by your mother and other members of your family, including poor
farmer your sister was forced to marry. We all know what your family has done
for this country. And given how grateful we are, we request you to please take
a break and stop making sacrifices. They have made this country into a
skeleton. At least, spare that. Your “sacrifice” story is not selling. NaMo
hollow development is. Try that. But you cannot. 9 years of anti-development!
Now don’t say that you have nothing to do with it. Beta, bada ho ja. I promise you, the day you make one proper sensible speech, i'll give you a score on 10. Till then, keep entertaining us.
In summary, between NaMo and
RaGa, pick NOTA.
